You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
