My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize