Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
