If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
