3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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