My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize