Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
