I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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