Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
