I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
