I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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