i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
