left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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