I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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