Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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