drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its not stalking. its research.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
