so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He felt like a one man threesome
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's never too late to be topless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
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