I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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