Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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