But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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