there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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