Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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