So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize