Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
