ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
