I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
