Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
