If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
