is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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