i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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