I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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