And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
