I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
