GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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