tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
