There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
