He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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