Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
