party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
