I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
