i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
