Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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