He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
