I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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