apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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