just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
