I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
