im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
