If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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