I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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