porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
