we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
