final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
