no, he came in my armpit
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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