Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Randomize
