God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
