the new term for farting is butt boxing.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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