I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
