can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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