So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize