Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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