just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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