Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
