Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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