so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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