Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
