wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
