You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
