you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
