If that was your dad, he is hot
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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