Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
