this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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