He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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