He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
