i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Damn victory sex feels great
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
