I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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