Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So much rum. So many feels.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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