I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
