Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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