Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
