if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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