He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
