Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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