How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
