i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he thought i was a dude.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
