Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
