I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
