we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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