uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
