I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
